Hi everyone. My name is..... well it doesn't matter what my name is. Let's say I am your Friendly Neighborhood IT Employee (FNITE). I am the one whom you can spot on weekdays, full shirt and tie, huge bag on my shoulders and walking oblivious to the traffic and surroundings, either texting on my iphone or listening to the latest tunes on ipod. I believe that like every great personality does, I too should pen down my autobiography. But that for later. Right now I think I should begin by letting the world know more about me and my brigade. Because there is so much I want the world to know about their FNITE!
And what better place to do it than in the very space that gives meaning to my very existence on this planet. I mean it is here that I can act cool, tough and all that other adjectives that you wouldn't quite associate with me in real life. But as far as I am concerned my real life ain't real. I don't get what I want to be in real life but I can be all I want to be within the 4 walls of my cubicle and in the virtual world. Makes me feel good I tell you.
So coming back to the point. I believe that I should let the world know more about me. I think, the world knows so little about their FNITE. Especially given the fact that there are more IT Employees on the road today than stray dogs, it's time that the world got up and took notice of us, the representatives of the most elite brigade on the planet. This autobiography is just the first step towards forcing the world to acknowledge the presence of the FNITE.
Every morning I walk out of my house, in my formals (complete with a tie), Ray Ban glasses enhancing my looks and swaying to and fro to the tunes of my Ipod. The tie, Ray Ban and Ipod, in that order are very important lest the onlookers think that I am one of those 'Common Men' who meander aimlessly and whose life has no significance in the broader scheme of thing in the universe. I board my company arranged transport (which I hate obviously) and give a frowning look to the fellow living beings also in ties, ray bans and Ipods. It is important to give that frowning look, else there is a danger of you being perceived as a misfit or worse still.. a fresher!
I believe that I am doing a great service to the nation by being an IT employee, perhaps greater than some of those uniformed personnel perched on top of some nondescript hills in the northern part of the country are doing. That is why I expect huge discounts in any store I walk into, I expect the government to go out of the way to provide me various facilities. I expect the railways to start an A.C. local service on the route I travel daily and I expect the State transport department to run special Volvo buses frequently and help me travel comfortably. I mean these are very basic expectations, I say! Especially when we FNITEs contribute so much to the economy by causing prices to rise! For example take real estate. Before the IT industry began did you ever hear of houses being rented out for 30k-50k per month? EVER? Then IT happened and gave birth to the FNITE. Group of FNITEs started frantically looking for houses wherever they landed. And since there would usually not be enough time to look for one, they would settle for any imaginary number the greedy house owner can come up with at that moment. For example, 6 FNITEs go looking for a house. They find one and the greedy owner asks 30K for a 800 sqft 2 BHK. Since FNITEs are good at math they immediately take out their calculators and divide the amount by 6. 5k each? That's a deal! The deal is closed and the prices in the neighborhood get corrected as every owner now stars demanding 30K for a 2BHK. And then people wonder why real estate prices are rising. Yes, they are rising, but for the common man, not the FNITE. Cause, for us the world is inhabited by two kinds of people, the IT Employee and the 'Common man'. So every time I refer to someone who is from the non IT world, I use the term 'Common man'. It's simple that way.
Now to my work life. Everyday, once I reach office, I do the mandatory check of the emails before I call up a fellow FNITE who is onsite at the opposite end of the globe. We then proceed to exchange excuses for a few minutes for not doing any work before we decide that it is too late to be discussing anything at all and end the call. Once this is done, I plunge into the most interesting and exciting aspect of my job. The discussions on the online forums. Yes!
The Online forums are a launching pad for all your ambitions, dreams, etc..something that you can use to be what you could never be in real life. Couldn't get? It's complicated. So let me walk you through a bit on this part.
It works like this. On the forums you got to pretend. Whatever be the topic you should always come across as The Expert and been-there-and-done-that types. If the discussion is on cricket then there probably never was a greater captain and all rounder than you and you left the game only because your great grandfather on his deathbed had wished that you become an Engineer! If the discussion is on Football then you should make it obvious that Cristiano Ronaldo got picked up by Real Madrid only because of that darn last minute niggle in your hamstring. Got the drift? It's very simple right? If the discussion is not on Sports but a general one, then also the same rule applies. For example if the discussion is on Stray dogs and the nuisance they are causing in an area, you should immediately point out in big colored font that you have seen more stray dogs than anyone else in the whole world. And then walk away feeling very important.
I apply the rules mentioned above to every discussion I get into, on the forums, and keep a track of my score (the number of times I got one up on my opponent in the forum). The more my score, the more important I feel about myself and my life.
Now and then, I also find time to raise concerns on some trivial issues to the higher management in my organization, just to keep them working and also letting them know that I am still around!
I also make it a point to participate in all the 'Fun activities' which are arranged now and then in my organization. I mean work-life balance is so important you know. It really is exciting to 'Dress your Manager' or 'Paint your Manager' at the end of a grueling hard days work. Not to mention the thrilling activities like Sack Race, Spoon Race, Tyre Race, Vegetable Carving, Cubicle Decoration... workplace is fun I tell you! I never felt so much accomplished in my life till today.
Come appraisal time, and I list down all these accomplishments in bullet points in a power point slide. There are two big applications on which the entire IT industry stands. One is the excel sheet, and the other is the power point. Sometimes makes me wonder if the IT industry would have managed to take off, if Bill Gates decided not to launch Windows and had ventured into stock trading instead. So, I list down all my accomplishments, such as how many spoon races I won, how many different colours I used to paint my manager, how many different vegetables I carved etc and present it before my manager. You have to be careful and point all these out more than your work. There is a general tendency of IT managers to frown upon people who talk about nothing but 'client appreciations', 'finishing work on time', 'bringing additonal revenue to the project', 'winning deals with client' etc etc. If you fall into that trap, the manager will simply ask 'What else did you do' and dismiss you from the scene.
Oh by the way, before I forget, in between all these I also make it a point that I support various Social causes. Like for example I supported the Anti-Corruption movement started by some guy called Anna Hazare (hope I got the spelling right) who went on a fast. No..no I mean I did not go to Delhi to join the fast and all. I mean Delhi is so far. I just forwarded a mail on the movement which came to my Inbox to my friends. And since I wanted to really support that movement I forwarded it to 200 of my friends (ya.. I got that many friends I tell you). I really feel that my forward has really benefited Anna Hazare and the anti-corruption thing that he has started. I feel so much like a responsible citizen when I do stuff like this. And the best part is I can still be in my cubicle with my backside perched in a cushiony seat and support any damn social cause by just forwarding mails! Advantage of being in IT I tell you. Maybe someday I too would be recommended for Bharat Ratna.. sigh!
I think I have let the world know enough about me for now. I mean I don't like too much publicity as well.. I am kind of shy when it comes to these things. If you really would like to know more about me, please mail me your questions. I have set my auto reply on.
Ciao!
© Murty NVD and Icemantalks, 2012.
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