It's Appraisal time!

Yeah. It's that time of the year again when all we techies wait for the one figure which will decide the bonus, the hike, the promotion and all other important decisions of our life. It is that time of the year, where the people who have worked their behinds off the whole of previous year will be waiting with bated breath for a good performance review while the one who were blissfully spreading 'gas' will be sucking up to their respective managers, some even volunteering to work as a household help for the manager. But for all you know your fate could be decided like this

(M1 - Manager 1, M2 - Manager 2,  XYZ - Random techie (could be you!))

Case 1: 
M1 - So what rating would you recommend XYZ? 
M2 - I will recommend the highest rating 1? 
M1 - Hmm.. can you justify?
M2 - He has really impressed the customer with his understanding of the application and has got multiple appreciations from them. Also he has won quite a few awards last year. 
M1 - Hmm.. but during the client visit last quarter, he blew only 25 balloons for decoration while on the average every team member was blowing 40. So I don't think he is a team player. I recommend a 2 and he might be pulled down to 3 as well if we find someone more deserving of a 2. 

Case 2: 
M2 - So what should we do about XYZ? 
M1 - 1 definitely! 
M2 - Why? 
M1 - Oh, he has got a great hairstyle! I really wish I had his head of hair. And he comes to office everyday too! 

Case 3: 
M2 - Now it's XYZ. I think he deserves a 1. He has been a top performer the whole of last year. I think we should recommend him for a promotion as well. 
M1 - Hey hold on, don't you know we have to compulsorily rate 5 percent of people in the lowest category. Let's say we put him on 4! 
M2 - But that is unfair. What will we tell him? 
M1 - Bah! The usual shit. Also, do you remember the way he was haggling with the auto wallah outside the campus gate over the rate? I think that shows he is unprofessional. Good case to pull him down I say! 

So you see, it doesn't matter what you have done the entire year, it doesn't matter how many tasks you have accomplished or how many certifications you have completed. All that matters is the opinion of  two or more people who have absolutely no idea of who you are or what work you have done.

And yet we waste so much of our time filling up those data points in the portal in the hope that at the end of the year the managers will look at them!

But the time has come now to revamp the system! No more time wasting, no more need to collect data points and appreciation mailers to present your case, no more headache for the manager's to look for an excuse. I introduce now, ladies and gentlemen, the latest tool which will change the way performance appraisals are done and one day probably will bring world peace!

So here we go. To start with, let's say we create a wheel which looks like this
 




A close look at the wheel will show that it is divided into 4 parts which represent the percentage of people who should be rated in a particular bracket (which is more or less same in all organizations). So we have 10% in the 1st bracket, 60% in the 2nd bracket, 25% in the 3rd bracket and 4% in the lowest bracket which is the 4th. 

Come appraisal time, call each candidate to the conference room and ask him/her what rating he/she is expecting. Something like this

Manager - So, what are you expecting? 
Random terrified techie - 1
Manager - (chuckles).. ok.. lets spin the wheel then! 

So the manager spins the wheel. Techie fold his hands in prayer, closes his eyes and starts chanting his/her good luck mantra. The wheel stops. Techie opens eyes. If it is a 1 Manager can say 'Congrats', if it stops at '4', 'Bad luck', let's try again next year'.

It's simple, ain't it pals? All the manager needs to say is 'Bad luck'! No need to discuss goals and accomplishments, no need to find faults, no need to sneak behind techies in the hope of catching him watching porn on his mobile!

And we techies can walk away either thanking our stars or cursing the darned cat that crossed our path just as we stepped out of the house.

But as it is with all path breaking theories, there is this minor niggle. As you know, anything and everything that happens inside of our organizations should follow a Bell curve. What is a bell curve you say? Well, it is in the words of Nassim Nicholas Taleb, 'That great intellectual fraud'. It looks like this







I am not quite sure at the moment if this technique of conducting performance appraisals would be able to achieve this dynamic shape. So whoever is spinning the wheel should actually be simultaneously plotting a graph as well. Any deviations in the shape might require a second spin of the wheel (or surreptitiously moving the dial to some other number while the Random terrified techie is busy chanting his/her good luck mantra)!

So here it is. Don't be surprised if your manager walks in with a round shaped object under his arms for the Performance appraisal discussion. It could be your 'Wheel of luck'. All the best!

Cheers..

© Murty NVD and Icemantalks, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Murty NVD and Icemantalks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.